A Needle in a Haystack
by Zeff N Company
Summary: Cloud has something he needs to find, and Leon has Cloud literally hanging from his waist. CLC


_**A crack piece simply because I couldn't get it out of my head. Written for Damion and Howling.**_

* * *

Leon cleared his throat loudly, and for a moment there was relief. And then it was back, as though the warning was never issued in the first place. It was an intrusively ticklish feeling trickling along his scalp, irritably uncomfortable and also extremely distracting. And it had been going on for at least twenty minutes straight. Just as he thought he had enough of this, there was a definite, long stop. There was relief, and there was also a wariness – what was about to follow?

Then from behind him, he heard his partner sigh long, deep and irritably. He dared himself to wonder.

"…what is it, Strife?"

"This isn't working." To that, Leon raised a brow curiously.

"What isn't?"

"Hold on; I think I got it."

Before Leon could ask again, or move, Cloud had walked around him so they were facing each other. Then his breath was knocked out of him as the shorter man suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders, vaulted upward, and proceeded to straddle him with legs wrapped tightly around his waist and feet looped into his multiple belts as though they were stirrups. As Leon froze like a deer in headlights, Cloud went back to the task he had momentarily ceased: picking through Leon's hair.

"…Strife?" Leon started uncertainly. "Strife. Cloud-"

"Don't move."

"What _are_ you doing?"

"I said, don't move – you just made me lose sight of it." In response, Leon's eyes narrowed in irritation.

"Lose sight of _what_, might I ask?"

"I'll tell you when I find it."

"Why? Is it a heartless the size of a tick that was sent forth to destroy us one follicle at a time?"

"Don't be a drama queen and let me work," Cloud retorted casually, undisturbed in his task at all as he continued to pick at the strands.

"How about getting off, and letting _me_ work?" Leon growled back. With Cloud's chest in his face, he couldn't see where he had set down his gunblade, the debris he was about to remove, or anything much else except for a bit of side view.

"If I get off, I can't reach the top of your head," Cloud answered simply. "If I went around back, you'd keep moving, and I'd never find it. Now, hold still."

"You could have just asked me to sit down, if it was this important."

Finally, a pause, and Cloud jerked Leon's head backward so they met eye to eye.

"Leonhart, I hate to shatter your innocent fantasies, but you're standing waist deep in water, and we're in a sewer."

Oh. _Right_. Leon looked back down at the murky green water of questionable origins, and sighed – his declaration of defeat. Satisfied, Cloud jerked his head forward again, and resumed his task.

"…you know," he finally thought to comment, "I figured Yuffie - or maybe Sora - more for something like this, but never you."

"Yuffie," Cloud replied, "would do it just for fun, and to annoy you. I'm doing this because it is necessary."

"How is it necessary to pick at my hair?"

"You'll see. Now quiet – the vibrations are making the hair shift."

Leon once again submitted himself to the insistent blond's administration, trying to ignore the itching that was spreading through his head with each time a finger poked and probed at it.  
_...at least,_ he humored, _no one is here to see us like this-_

"_Oh, by_ _Shiva's frozen titties!_"

…_why am I allowed to _think_?_

Sparing a glance through his limited view, he spotted a familiar set of black and his heart sank. Of all the people to stumble upon them, it had to be…

"…Yuffie," he started slowly. "Don't."

Too late; the girl was already shrieking like a banshee and barreling down the stairs. She just stopped short of the water, and started hopping up and down in excitement along the bank.

"You…_ You… YOU!!_"

"Yuffie, this-"

"How could you! And in a place like _this_!" she howled. "Have you lost your _mind_!"

"Will you listen-"

"No, _you_ listen!" she snapped. "Have you not considered this terrible _lighting?_"

Leon finally paused, blinking. "…lighting?"

"This place is too dark for anything substantial, that's what! Hold on, I think I can fix this…" and as she spoke, she started digging through her pockets. "Good thing I have flash."

And then she pulled out a camera, and Leon blanched.

"Yuffie, you put that thing away, turn around and walk out of here right now-"

Again, the threat came either too late and without effect, as Yuffie held it up and took the fateful shot. Light flashed through the cavern, momentarily blinding Leon as he failed to duck in time. Still hanging from his waist, Cloud flinched. Then he turned, glaring accusingly at Yuffie.

"Do you _mind?"_ he growled venomously. "It took me half an hour to get this far in! Now I'll have to start all over again!"

Yuffie turned a bright red that was visible even in the shadows of the sewer, and Leon dreaded to know what _thoughts_ were going through the ninja's head. With a squeal and a quick apology mixed into one, she stuffed the camera back into her pocket and lit out of there like a bat out of hell.

Leon decided that he'd need to die, and soon. He'd get a lawyer, write a will, impart his duties unto the rest of the committee, select his successor, and then end his life at age twenty-five in the style of Othello. "_Speak of me as I am, except for what transpired in the last twenty-four hours," I would say. If this misunderstanding's as dramatic as a Shakespearean day, I might as well go in a Shakespearean way._

…of course, then Yuffie would have that picture gold-framed and mounted at his memorial…maybe a quiet death would suit…

And then, on the top of his head, there was a triumphant "Aha!" and then he felt a momentary jolt of pain that had him cry out.

"The hell did you just do?" he snapped.

"I got it."

A hand descended into Leon's view and waved a little. Leon squinted, trying to see what it was. Then he saw it, and frowned.

It was a single strand of silver hair.

"On the bright side of things, there was only this one," Cloud piped, in an obvious good mood about his discovery. "And now it's gone."

With that, he extracted himself from the other, and landed back in the water with a splash, soaking the both of them a little bit more.

"…Strife," Leon started, suddenly too tired for any more extreme emotion. "You've been picking at my head for thirty minutes, ten of them while straddling me, while I'm standing waist deep in sewage…for _one hair_?"

"A silver hair, if you will. And it's in good condition, too; not bad."

Nine years, Leon reminded himself quietly. His best friend from the pre-Heartless days had been fighting darkness alone for nine years, so there _would_ be some…social inability. He'd just have to devote time to teaching him all over again. Especially matters regarding…certain positions.

"You know," Cloud suddenly brought up, holding his prize carefully as he examined it, "_Sephiroth_ has silver hair…"

Or he could save himself the trouble and find a way to just kill him.

* * *

_**Over the past few weeks and months, I've been thinking on the continuation of Canine Companion, as well as formulating ideas for sakurabatou's cast lineup in The AU that never was. What resulted was ideas for two series, one in the style of a samurai anime of which name I forget, and the other with heavy reference to Zegapain. Thing is, I have trouble committing myself to it, as there is my job getting heavier each day. Then again, work's never stopped me before…**_

_**See you around, folks.**_

* * *

"…I think there's another one."

"_Don't touch me._"


End file.
